finding my own beauty

We go through much of our lives (if not all of it) living outside of ourselves. Allowing the reactions, opinions, perceptions of the world/people around us to dictate what we see as acceptable, of value, or of beauty. It can seem like we are being continuously distracted from turning inwards and cultivating our trust in knowing. The very knowing that has the potential to completely shift our lives. That sense of self that can make us unstoppable in all the most wonderful ways. Beauty has always been something that I have never understood or felt like I embodied. The images I saw of “beautiful women” was not a reflection that ever met my gaze. When I was younger and well into my adult years, I picked myself apart, never loving or embracing who I saw. My image or who I showed up to be was never good enough. My well of pain, trauma and conditioning ran deep, and it created a human being that was disconnected and unable to see the natural beauty and uniqueness of who she really was.

I won’t bore you with the details but there have been so many layers (and many to come) that have been peeled through on this path to self. Finally allowing me to reach a place where I am secure and accepting of who and what I embody. No longer looking to the outside for validation. It was life altering to realize the masks I wore trying to feel more accepted. Something that I have vowed to never do again. I have found my beauty, and it's the same beauty that runs through us all.

Over a year ago with the work of accepting every part of my being almost conquered and wanting to connect deeper with the beauty that I am, fully accepting and loving myself in the rawness of this vessel, I committed to shaving my head. Now, admittingly, there are many ways that you can come to this place, but for me I wanted to strip myself bare and continue to love myself anyway. I wanted to walk in my femininity and grace without the extras, cementing the knowing that I can be just as divine and beautiful with or without. It was my true test. Could I still see my beauty without one of the main societal stamps of what beauty was?

I will never forget the feeling I had when the clippers took their first run through my shoulder length hair. It was complete freedom and bliss. I teared up and smiled from ear to ear as they continued to do their work. Leaving a sink full of hair and a glow and happiness in my eyes that I had never seen before. I looked at my reflection and connected with eyes wide open. I saw all the beauty that I was. I felt like I had been reborn, and at a core level I understood that the packaging means nothing. The light I saw shinning through my eyes was undeniable, I saw myself. My full, beautiful self and all the work I had done to get there, and my heart was full. 

Since that time, I allowed the hair to grow back, styling it in different ways, but nothing ever seemed to fit. A couple of weeks ago I couldn’t deny myself anymore, and I picked up those clippers for a second time.  I sat with myself, grounded and meditated before making the cut.

Ahhhhhh …. there I was. I could fully see myself again.

I have redefined what beauty means to me. It is no longer an external packaging. It’s what is found behind the eyes, in the energy that one makes you feel, in the kindness and acceptance in another being. It’s that beautiful, pure, loving energy that sits at the core of us all.

Have you ever, from a distance, laid eyes on someone, as you watch them, there is a radiance exuding from their being? A quiet confidence and beauty that fills their space?  A gentle grace, love and security in all that they are?

To me that is beauty….The love that one cultivates deep within themselves that inevitably spills over and flows into all of the world.

Just writing those words brings a smile to my face, because those things exist within each of us, we just have to love them to the surface. Love and many blessings on your journey. Know that I see you in all the beauty that you are.

~Danielle xo